the ephemerality of dreams.

i was reading about petr ginz, how much real-ised suffering is inflicted onto his soul. how much the Jews had suffered in Auschwitz and innumberable, untold pain and loss. how his family had perished (almost entirely) with that exception of his sister, eva ginz, who lives today in Germany and had lived to tell the tale.

death, is that all there is? a cold, bleak and phlegmatic ending to the tortuous, unending maze that one meanders through? another legend, Ng Teng Fong has passed away. to a man so rich (8 Billion in liquid assets), even as you may be, the arcane mechanism of life works in mysterious ways.

it robs loved ones away from us, the results and imprints of a lifetime of hard-work, beliefs, everything. it comes to a complete, unknown standstill.

what i do know, is that, amidst the concatenation of events that unfurl everyday, i have to make the best of my life, treasure the people i love. because one day, when i'm old, frail, and sitting alongside my wife gazing at the beatific sunset, degenerating away from the earth's existence, i will know that it has been a life well lived, and that no amount of literature can ever enumerate it.

the after-life for an afterthought?

O' Isis, the daughter of Osiris, if only i could feel your pain when you were taken by vile, evil asps.

footprints in the sand

imprints on the beach

never to be seen again

Goal 1: TO GET RID OF ECZEMA.
Duration: 1 month
Action: apply medicine SPARINGLY for 1 month, everyday.
Action: eat 2 fruits daily

Goal 2: get silver for IPPT, and get a totally flat bod, possibly a 6 pec. Maintain my weight at 58-60kgs.
Duration: 2 months
Action: Swim and run on alternate days
Action: do 300 push ups a day

Goal 3: grow taller, form 1.73m to 1.77m
Duration: 6 months
Action: Eat more protein, drink 2 glasses of milk a day
Action: Hang for 10 minutes once a day

Goal 4: BE FUCKEN well read. I want to feel and be powerful.
Duration: 6 months
Action: read a book in 2 days
Action: Read theeconomist.com, daily straits times in very high, convoluted detail.

Goal 5: Be financially savvy, and endowed
Duration: 6 months
Action: Get a part time job, hold multiple jobs. Tuition and search.
Action: read up an hour on financial instruments, stocks, shares, exchanges.

Goal 6: Build social confidence
Duration: 6 months
Action: Read up on DDA material, spending 1 hour daily.
Action: Improve body language, SHARPENING my beliefs.
Action: Interact more with people. DO NOT be afraid to look them in the eye when you converse. I AM dominant in every situation. It is a state of mind.

Goal 7: Reaffirm beliefs.
Duration: 6 months
Action: READ to myself beliefs and trounce, decimate limiting beliefs. Stop SELF-sabotage.

Goal 8: Watch 2 movies in a week, listen to one new artist in 2 days.

Goal 9: PE once daily for 30 mins. Short term goal: 7.25 inches in length, and 5.5 INCHES in girth
Duration: 6 months.

Goal 10: I want to be carried in the whirlwind of romance. Fall in love.

Lets roll.

Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.
William Shakespeare

why do people hold limiting beliefs? its akin to poison, something debilitating one's daily life that ebbs and flow. i want to be all i can be. the past 21 years had been fraught with unrealised tribulations. i only have 60 more years to live, and im going to make the best of it.

amazing. my love for coldplay transcends rationality. chris martin and will champion, your many a songs kept my late nights going and the faith strong.

your lyrics encode a labyrinth of emotions, an epiphany every time i listen to it. having seen you perform live, i know why.

kudos chris martin and coldplay. amazing, mellifluous songs.

Viva La Vida Coldplay live at the BBC

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VX1eJHE1K_s

THIS IS FASCINATING.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpSzny4YBeA

in quiet of the night, the stillness envelopes the stolid being. i am left awonder, how time flits and how life is phantasmagoric. i get terribly nostalgic and emotional at the night, far detached from the superficial happenings in the outside agora.

baby, you knew how much i cared for you isnt it? all the sweet in-between whispers, like petals pirouetting in the wind, all the simple, playful gesticulations that meant nothing more than play. the soft caress of your fingers, that first kiss planted on your baby lips. it wasnt a moment of lust, it was an ethereal moment of weakness between us, showing ourselves a facade that is so ingrained in our psyche, so vulnerable we know yet, and so painstakingly precious. it was clean, innocent and beatific, that cherubic smile and little, hoarsy whispers when my heart palpitated uncontrollably. looking at your infectious smile leaves me sated, for no amount of wealth, no amount of worldly posession would ever replace that moment.

baby, now that you're no longer with me on my journey to Heavens and beyond, that particle of my being will remember that immense feeling that we once had for each other.

i want to fall in love again. i dont want lust, lust is temporal, fleeting. i want love. i want to bring a lady in another journey with me, to forget the world, and it will be between me and her, and no one else in this cold, cold world.

LAW PLS LAW I'VE HAD MANY NIGHTMARES ABOUT YOU!

in the quiet of the night, the littlest things come to haunt me sometimes. from the impassable spectre of results, to what the future may behold.

what is life sometimes? is it a simulacrum of dreams? or is it an agglomeration of it all and substantive actions that we perform each day. when i read about pass glories, past successes and past lives of people who have lit up the world in the minutest of ways, Hellen Keller, Mother Theresa, to dignitaries like Tony and Cherie Blair, who has embarked on a life of pacifist diplomacy, i am yet reminded of the temporality of things. how one conversation, while seemingly interminable in the process, quickly become figments of our imagination.

and days, they turn into years.

we should all treasure life each day, our loved ones, which oftentimes may be challenging due to the plethora of tasks that may take a toll on us. only will life be a sanguine journey that will be pretty pieces of jigsaw that will beautifully anneal together. how picturesque.

hellen keller once remarked, "although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it".

ok, after very MUCH insistence from my friend(you know who, and you must be giggling having succeeded to get my slothful psyche to update this), i'm ushering in a new year. packing up my room and all. so neat hor, nadia? :)

and to the rest, whoever you may be, i wish you the greatest blessings as you ride on the sanguine rays of the new year that will soon herald. 2009 has been a year of miasma and tribulations, one that has taught me the fundementals of living, what matters and what does not, in the bigger schematics of life.

and yes apologies for the pixelated pictures. my digital camera is with my dad, who is currently frolicking in Kuching. cheers.

my oh-so-meticulously packed cupboard. really, i could care less about packing the notes in chronological order. that is the least of my concerns.i'm thinking of tuition next year.

acs. the days of yore.

Neil Strauss and The tics in higher detail. My nokia camera sucks, lah.

Princess and Queen Cleopatra, i've been reading renditions of it. From margaret atwood to colleen mccullough. Isis has been providential indeed.

my laptop

and my reading list (sounds cliche i know). my men's health calendar says, learn how to iron a shirt (alludes to someone).

ok, nadia. dont giggle. your turn to show me your room :P

its amazing how time flits cursorily when you're absorbed into tasks. 15 hours a day? seems interminable but its amazing how perfunctory the motion is when it becomes indoctrinated. this place is dead, i've wondered why i still do bother updating these days.

on another note, i've realised one of my seniors in in harvard's sqaure. wow. thats the ultimate holy grail.

2 days, the best is yet to be.